Saying Farewell

I always knew the day would come that I would have to do the unthinkable.  As I watched you grow older and frail, I knew that our time together was coming to an end.

Tyler sleeping

You not being part of my life was unthinkable, so I did just that…Tried not to think about it until I could no longer deny the awful truth.  I knew your hyperthyroidism was taking it’s toll, but I had no idea that something far more sinister was stealing you away from me.

Tyler helping with my art

You were such a huge part of my daily life, and for 17 years, you have been one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given.  I will never forget the day we first brought you home.  You were not the kitten I was originally sent photos of, the one that I was supposed to get.  

But when we got to your house, you literally chose us.  You were right there, trying to get our attention, and when I finally noticed you, that’s when I fell in love.  We were a perfect match.

Tyler in his younger days.

We’ve been together through so much, you and I.  You have been there for me during my best days and my worst.  You were there when we brought both of our beautiful baby girls home.  You tolerated all of the other animals we introduced into our home – the birds, the rats, the lizards and the dog.

Tyler and Zoey

It’s hard to imagine the rest of my days without you in them.  We shared a bond that was completely unbreakable, even now that you are gone, I still feel you here.

There are times I think I hear you sneeze or cough or think I feel you jump up on the bed.  I felt so bad for you as you had to suffer with all those sinus problems you had for so long and the toll that the hyperthyroidism was taking on you.  Why did you have to be the 1% of cats who was allergic to the medicine?  If only that would have been the worst of your problems, you would still be with me today.

Curious cat

Most people don’t understand the amount of grief one can feel when you lose a pet.  They say “It’s just a cat, you can get another one.”  You were more than just a cat, you were my best friend and there is a void in my life and an empty place where you once use to be that no other animal could ever fill.  

Tyler

I knew when this time came that it would hurt, but I never knew the extent of the grief and the depth of the pain.  I guess I’m lucky in a way, considering that this is the most devastating loss I’ve experienced in my life so far.  If it hurts to lose a cat this much, I can’t bear to think what it must be like to lose a child.  I don’t believe I could handle something like that and survive.  I’m in awe of those that do.

The day I had to take you to the vet and be faced with the awful choice of having to “put you to sleep” or letting you live a couple for months at the most, but be in pain, was the worst day imaginable.  On the outside, you still seemed fine, with plenty of life still left inside of you. This made it all the more difficult.  Would it have been easier if you were outwardly sick?  Perhaps, but I don’t think that matters in the end.

Those eyes

The x-ray told a more sinister story and presented a picture of something I had no idea was growing inside of you, something which took you away from me far sooner than I had expected.

17 years seems like a long time, but it wasn’t enough for me.  We made it through one more Christmas together and rang in one last New Year’s together, but I selfishly wanted more.  I wish we had more time, although it still wouldn’t be enough.

Tyler

Rest assured Tyler, there will never be another one like you.  You were truly one of a kind. I will never forget you and I am so happy that we found each other.   I wish you were still with me every second of every day.

You were fiercely loved.

My studio cat

 

 

Leave a Reply